Hat Trick
by SapphireXSerpent
Summary: What happens when you put ten characters' names in a hat, and put out two at a time? Pairing madness. Crack!Pairings galore! Also taking requests. There a weird pairing you'd like to see? Tell me!
1. Reno and Marlene: Little Thief!

**AN: Welcome to Hat Trick! A collection of drabbles with characters by chance!**

**Idea taken from the fic, Out of Place, with my own spin on things:**

_'The challenge is to write down five girl's names, and fave guys names. (Being your favorite characters'.) Place them in two seperate hats, or one if you prefer, pull out two names, and write a scene._

_Place guy's name in a hat, and pull out them one at a time. Write down order you pulled them out._

_Do the same with girl's._

_The first guy you drew goes with the first girl you drew and so on._

**Well, I thought I'd try.**

**The first lucky people are...**

**Marlene and Reno!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

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She grinned cheekily at him, while his face turned red.

She giggled, and he glared at her.

She stuck her tongue out at him, while he spluttered.

"Hey! That _my_ thing!"

She snickered at him before spinning around on the bar stool she sat on.

He slowly reached for his EMR.

But before he could do anything, Valentine swooped her up, glared at him, and stalked away.

Said girl peeked over the red clad man's shoulder, and stuck her tongue out at him.

He turned back to the bar, grumbling.

Elena soon swatted him over the head saying, "You're so inmature, you baby."

He looked over his shoulder and said indignately, "But she stole my seat! Now it's spoiled."

Elena sighed.

**AN: More in like, 30 seconds. XP**


	2. Jessie and Vincent: Misunderstanding

**AN: Second lucky people are...**

**Jessie and Vincent!**

**...How I'm ever going to get this to work, I don't know...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

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Lazily tossing the key over her shoulder, she inspected the room full of coffins.

Hearing something from inside one of them, she froze.

But, she was a secret spy for AVALANCHE! She couldn't back out now!

A few seconds later she was running out of the Shinra Mansion, screaming 'Vampire!'

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"Well?" Her boss said, "What did ya find?"

Still shaking, she said frantically,

"A naked vampire reciting horrible poetry about shins and alcohol, and how he couldn't save his liquor from the hos!"

And her boss was all like 'PWNED!'

**AN: Muwahaha. On to the next one!**


	3. Moogle Girl and Rufus: Stigma?

**Third lucky people are...**

**The Moogle Girl from AC and Rufus!**

**Now, a little bit of explaining.**

**I think that 'Moogle Girl' is actually Priscilla, the girl from Junon who wants to marry Cloud.**

**This theory isn't all that impossible, and Moogle Girl looks like Priscilla even.**

**But, she won't be Priscilla here.**

**I would call her MG, but that's not very suitable for a child.**

**Therefore, I'm going to call her MJ thoughout all of my drabbles in this collection.**

**This does not mean her name is Mary-Jane, just MJ.**

**Okay?**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

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Moogle doll in hand, she hopped up onto a stool next to him and smiled.

He sat with his head in his hand, swirling his drink around, face blank.

She lightly tapped his arm, and he looked up at her, startled.

She looked at him curiously, hoisting her moogle into her lap.

"You had the Stigma too, didn't you?" She asked.

He nodded.

She looked down at her arms, where the sickness once ran through her vains.

"It hurt, didn't it?" She asked, smiling lightly at him.

He unconsiously rubbed his wrist, and she focused her eyes on it.

Reaching out, and gently resting her hand on his wrist, she looked up at him.

"But, she fixed us, when they didn't."

He recoiled, as if her touch had burned him.

She looked up at the sky and said out of the blue,

"I don't have any parents."

He stared at her, wondering where she was getting at.

"Do you have any?"

He shook his head, and looked back down at his drink.

Before he could do anything, she had jumped off her seat, dropped her doll, and was hugging him.

Behind the bar, Tifa snickered.

**AN: Evil Tifa...**

**XD**


	4. Hojo and Elena: The Question

**AN: Next up, Hojo/Elena!**

**...Oh, I'm sunk.**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

**-----------**

Elena had to know the answer to the question that clouded the minds of the turks.

It was forever there, and they always wondered about it.

It made no sense, none at all.

This continuing wondrance was really annoying, and the turks decided to do something about it.

Why was Hojo so popular with the ladies?

It had Reno stumped, Rude amazed, Tseng blank, and Elena curious.

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"'Lena, you're a chick, you go find out."

Rude nodded in agreement.

Elena looked flustered. "No!"

Too late, the male turks had already picked her up and dropped her at the top of the stairs leading to the labs.

"I'm going to kill them." Elena said through gritted teeth.

Looking up, she saw a long line of women, and Hojo walking down the row, inspecting them.

Hastily standing up, she stood next to a tall blonde girl, who was currently chatting to the brunette on her right.

Elena looked on as the idiotic brunette waved at Hojo, and the tall blonde punched her.

Elena snickered.

Hojo looked with interest at the brunette, and asked for her name.

"K-kanist Roitan, S-sir!" She said.

Hojo questioned the tall blonde, and went on to Elena.

"Elena, my dear, what are you doing here?"

All the other woman's ears instantly perked up at the mention of 'My dear'.

"Professor." Elena said, nodding her head once. "I'm merely doing a routine...lab inspection."

"Oh, pity. Because, I would have picked you to be my new lab assistant!" He leered at her.

Elena suddenly had the urge to gag, but covered it up with a cough. Damn Reno. Damn him. Damn him.

All the other woman glared at her with extreme hatred, for _they _all wanted to be Hojo's assistant.

"Labisfinegoodbye!" Elena exclaimed and rushed to the top of the stairs.

Upon seeing Reno, she firmly slapped him across the cheek.

"Owww...What's wrong with you?" He whined.

"Hojo hit on me, that's what's wrong!" She screamed before she stomped off.

Tseng looked on after her, then turned to Reno and Rude.

"I take it she didn't find out why Hojo got all the girls...?

**AN: This is one of the great mysteries of life, seriously. Why does Hojo get all the girls? WHY?**

**Review please! It makes me type faster!**

**Up next...Cid/Yuffie!**


	5. Cid and Yuffie: Shall We Dance?

**AN: Cid/Yuffie with a twist!**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

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After Cid and his Venus Gospel convinced Cloud to sing old tango music, he and Yuffie were waltzing around Seventh heaven, although very clumsily.

Several broken beer bottles littered the floor, creating a sticky mess of brown liquor.

Before it could be helped, the two dancers went crashing onto the floor after slipping in the mass of alcohol.

And we end this little show with Cloud, eyes closed, completely unaware that no one was dancing, singing at the top of his lungs, Tifa clapping, Cid and Yuffie hiccuping, and the turks shouting that they 'want to try.'

**AN: Ohhh...What should happen if te turks should dance?**

**This was inspired by a skit from an Anime Con I saw.**


	6. Hojo and Yuffie: She seems Familiar

**AN: I've decided to start again! Same characters, just different pairings.**

**...Yuffie/Hojo...WTF?**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

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Hojo looked around the beautiful town of Wutai, ready for a vacation from work.

But, it seemed his vacation would not go as planned.

After being pushed to the ground in a frenzy, his materia missing, Hojo had to search the whole resort to get back his items from a young girl.

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Hojo's eyes narrowed as he looked from face to face on top of the Sister Ray.

He froze as he saw _hers._

**AN: So bleak sings the white dove, that it must have turned grey. Poetry time!**

**I'm taking requests for crack, weird, and insane pairings now. Want someting done? Just request it!**

**Up next, a Kadaj/Denzel for my single reviewer.**


	7. Cid and Marlene: He was SCREWED!

**AN: A Cid and Marlene snippet.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

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How Cid was ever going to explain a drunk Marlene to a PMSing Tifa, he didn't know.

He knew one thing, however.

He was downright screwed.

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**AN:Snickers: Poor Cid, he really is screwed.**


End file.
